What kind of people attend therapy? At its root, this is a stigma-related question. Many people have received messages from society that devalue the very foundation of therapy or stigmatize those who engage in therapy, like: “don’t talk about your feelings”, “suck it up”, “don’t be vulnerable”, “vulnerability is weakness”, “it’s weird to share intimate details about yourself”, “save money or spend it on things- not talking”, “therapy is for crazy people”, etc. If you are asking yourself who attends therapy, then I would encourage you to ponder, why am I asking, what messages have I gotten about therapy and why does it matter to me?
The reality is that there is not really one type of person that attends therapy. When someone is feeling that they are not living out their life to its fullest, they are struggling with something and want a change, or they want someone they can trust to speak to about the inner-working of their heart, mind, body and soul– they may choose to seek out therapy. Of course there are others who have agreed to therapy per the request of a family member or friend, and those who are court-mandated. There are also plenty of children and adolescents who begrudgingly attend therapy because their caregiver “made me”. Many types of people talk to therapists. The most powerful therapy tends to happen for those who are invested in the work and who feel an authentic, but clearly boundaried connection with their therapist.
The ultimate goal of therapy is to learn how to move towards a place where you feel you are able to be your authentic self and live a thriving life. Do you desire to thrive in life and live a life that is in line with your core values? Thriving may look different for each individual, but ideally, thriving in life includes meaningfully engaging in the present, referencing and learning from the past without getting re-stuck, and having hope for the future. For some people, this may take several months, and for others, this may take several years. Trauma, for example, is a life experience that requires ample time and deep therapeutic connection, for meaningful and safe change to happen. If someone is simply trying to survive, the therapeutic focus is on survival before thriving.
Being a child, a teen or an adult impacts your therapy. Children and youth are still figuring out their values and sense of self. They are in different developmental stages and their brains are growing and functioning a bit differently than the adult brain, so their therapeutic treatment will be a bit different than that of most adults. Regardless of age, though, everyone who comes to therapy benefits from having a motivation for being there. Having a reason that matters to you, will make therapy more meaningful and allow it to be more effective- whether that reason is initially just so that your parents will stop hounding you, or so you can help your child, or so your partner will stop asking you if you’ve gone, or because you internally know you need someone to talk to who won’t judge your thoughts or feelings. There is no one reason; there is your reason and that is what matters.
Yalom (2005) is a seasoned therapist who has written plenty of books on therapy; he explains how there is power in feeling understood and accepted, especially when the person has felt separate or uncommonly different from other groups. In therapeutic sessions, you and your therapist get a chance to build a relationship that is like no other, even when you feel disconnected with or overwhelmed by other parts of your life. When the fit is right, and over time, you feel understood and accepted. No, your therapist will not know exactly what it is like to be you, she won’t have experienced your exact history or your current life challenges. However, your therapist will be able to genuinely join with you in sessions, and engage in the very real and powerful experiences that come with sharing the most vulnerable parts of you. You will not be alone and you will not be judged. Everyone can benefit from that type of experience- everyone!
Yalom (2005) also identified some common client themes that came up over his many years of providing therapy to individuals: faking confidence when feeling incompetent, curiosity and secrets about sex and sexuality, and feeling “alienated” from those around them (p. 7). Sound familiar to you at all? How interesting that so many who come to therapy wonder about how different and inadequate they are, when so many people walk around, everyday, feeling this similar way? I know that I have absolutely experienced all three of the phenomena that Yalom identified.
It is completely normal to wonder about who else may attend therapy and what this may mean to you. It is completely normal to feel nervous about therapy, even if you have done it before. Sharing the parts of you that you have been holding inside for so long, can be a scary thing. Admitting that you are struggling with something comes with all types of feels. Meeting a new therapist feels overwhelming. I have spoken to many people who say that they have shared their stories so many times because they have seen so many therapists that did not work out. Take your time choosing your therapist. Therapy is about making an investment in your social, emotional, and mental health- it means saying that your wellbeing matters. You want to do some research on the therapists in your area so that you can find a good fit for you. There are different therapists because there are so many different types of people with different types of needs. Read some therapist blogs, check out websites, make some calls and watch some therapist videos, so when you call a therapist, you already have an idea that this could be a good fit. It makes sense to interview a potential therapist to see if they are a good fit, just as they will assess to see if they are the best fit for meeting your needs. Limiting yourself to therapists that are only on your insurance agencies list, limits your opportunity to connect authentically with your best therapeutic fit.
So, if you are wondering what other types of people may go to therapy, or asking why anyone would spend money on “talking”, or worrying that therapy somehow labels people as a certain type of person, I encourage you to acknowledge those messages without allowing them to dictate your ultimate decision. We all receive a bunch of social messages at any given moment throughout all of our lives. The messages I encourage you to consider right now are that your overall wellbeing is important, you are worthy of living your best life, and this type of life investment can only really be made by you. Which message you choose to act on is your choice.
It is not about what kind of people see a therapist, it is about which therapist is the best fit for YOU, at this time in your life.
Reference List:
Yalom, I.D., The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy, 2005, 5 ed, Basic Books: New York, NY.
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