Why ambitious professionals get stuck & annoyed
You’ve worked hard. You’ve achieved goals. You’ve helped people. You give; you care; you try; you hustle. You’ve accomplished a lot and now… you’re tired.
Many highly ambitious people who others view as outwardly successful, say “Sometimes I just wonder what the point of it all is.” They aren’t referring to no longer wanting to live, and they aren’t saying they are on an imminent search to discover the uncovered purpose of all existence. While they may or may not have had fleeting thoughts surrounding those things, they are generally asking “what’s the point?”, because they feel empty inside.
They worked hard to get to where they are, and now that they’re there, they aren’t fulfilled. It’s not what they thought it would be.
They were willing to sacrifice and hustle by justifying the end result as being for a good cause, but they hadn’t intended to end up feeling exhausted, unfulfilled and resentful.
These ambitious helpers, leaders and healers tend to over function in everyday life. They have hustled and achieved plenty of goals. They persevere and care about the greater good. People view them as cool, calm and collected.
They seem confident even though they’re stressed.
They appear successful even though they feel unfulfilled.
They seem happy even though they’re constantly battling self doubt and criticism.
Can you relate?
If this is you, there is an undeniable disconnect you’re struggling with. Whether it’s at work, home or another aspect of your life, you outwardly stay busy. You do, you go, you accomplish, you have goals. You are determined and you are caring …and yet you feel empty inside.
This happens when you’re not internally connected with your who and your why. Somewhere along the line, you’ve switched your focus to the what and the how.
Let me explain.
The what is that outside of you stuff. The things you are focused on achieving or proving. The social standards you’re trying to live up to and the reputation you’re seeking to gain or avoid. The what is external- it includes the accomplishments, reputation and accolades.
The how is the plan you’ve created to make the what happen. It’s the steps or outline of what you’re going to do or follow in order to achieve the outside things.
The how and the what together, make up your attempts to control what’s happening around you and how you want others to perceive you.
You’ve been focusing on the what and how for quite some time.
Although this focus probably serves you at some point in your life, it no longer does. If it did, you wouldn’t be experiencing the symptoms of burn out that I described above. You see, when you focus on how to control what’s happening outside of you, you lose connection with the inside of you- your who and your why.
The who, simply put, is you. It’s who you truly are inside. It’s all of your innate strengths and gifts. It’s your inside self. It’s the perfectly imperfect, beautifully flawed and individually gifted you. The who is your authentic, connected, raw self.
The why is your purpose, your reason, your never ending internal fuel for existing. Together, the why and the who are the unmasked, unfiltered, core you. The who and the why are inextricably connected. Separating the two will cause internal suffering and felt chaos.
You’ve lost sight of and connection with the most pure parts of your who and your why, because you’ve turned to the what and how to dictate your worth. This is what has brought you to feel unfulfilled, disconnected, off kilter, and asking what’s the point.
The answer to experiencing the connection, fulfillment, balance and joy you desire, is to get back in touch with your who and why, and stop leaning in to the what and how to determine your worth.
You’ve undoubtedly created habits in your life that support you focusing on the what and how. To lean towards your who and why, you’ll need to learn different habits. While this is not easy, with the right expert guidance and support, it’s fairly simple. For the committed and motivated, it’s absolutely doable.
The choice to shift from one focus to the other, is up to you. What will you choose?
Dr. Toni helps the burnt out ambitious to transform their lives out of the overwhelm and disconnect, and into a place of joy, fulfillment and balance. Dr. Toni believes your gifts are desperately needed in our communities. Her mission is to guide you, the Burnt Out ambitious, deeper into your who and why, so you can inspire and enact change in this world, using your gifts, even more profoundly. If you’re ready to begin your journey out of burn out, you can connect with Dr. Toni using any of the below options:
For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
For transformational life coaching: www.drtonicoaches.com
***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com
Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a transformational life & wellness coach for the ambitious seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact positive change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers and leaders to create balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing the lives of others. She is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.
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