The Plight of the Hustling High Achiever

Have you ever set a goal, gotten on path to works towards that goal, gotten super excited, heavily involved, highly focused, and started doing all the things you could possibly do to move towards that goal?

You were in the zone. You made mental checklists, or physical checklists, or both mental and physical checklists. Your checklists had checklists, or you meant to make a checklist but you were too busy trying to do all the things to meet your goal that you didn’t have time to slow down to write the checklist.

When you first started, you didn’t really consider it hustling because you were so excited to do this thing, to meet this goal. You were willing to buckle down and do what it takes. The goal had meaning to you.

You were aware that you had other non negotiables in your life that you‘d need to prioritize too, like being a present friend, parent or partner. You convinced yourself that you could and should juggle it all.

You added more to your plate.

You gained some momentum at the beginning because your motivation was high, but eventually the constant trailblazing wore on you. Balancing the constant to do’s of the goal and being fully present for the important people in your life, wasn’t working out the way you’d hoped.

“This has to work.”
“I can’t fail.”
“What is wrong with me?”
“Why does this always happen?”
“I have to fix this.”
“I should be able to do this.”
“I’m so drained!”
“It shouldn’t be like this!”
“Somethings gotta give….”

It’s not the exciting beginning anymore.
You lash out, shut down or push yourself more, traveling further into exhaustion.

Your motivation disintegrates. You’re left feeling a whole slew of feelings that you have no intention of dealing with, like:

Guilty for not being able to balance everything perfectly.
Angry that no one even noticed how hard you were working.
Ashamed that you let things get to this point.
Resentful of others successes or lack of appreciation, because you’ve been working so hard and had to sacrifice so much.
Exhausted because your hyper-focus steered you away from self-care. You figured you tend to that once everything was perfectly situated and complete.

And so on and so forth…

With confidence, I can tell you that no one truly enjoys both success and happiness in life, love and work, by constantly hustling, sacrificing and mentally beating themselves up.

This cycle of hustling, sacrificing and shaming ourselves because we didn’t achieve perfect work life balance, ideal success and goal achievement, all promptly and all at once, is incredibly common. No one is exempt from the possibility of this experience. In fact, it’s been my experience that the more ambitious of a leader and a helper that you are- at home, at work or in the community- the more likely you are to fall into this cycle.

Your ambition is beautiful. It can (and probably has) served you well. If not kept in check, it can also lead you to burn yourself out. In order to serve you without burning you, your ambition needs to be balanced throughout all realms of your life- socially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally- at work and at home.

As has already been demonstrated, balancing it all doesn’t come naturally to most people, especially the highly ambitious. In this fast paced culture we live in, balance often doesn’t even seem possible.

I will offer myself as an example.

When I started my private practice, I convinced myself that I could, and therefore should, learn and build it all on my own. I tried to reinvent the wheel when it wasn’t necessary. I began to overfunction because I didn’t want to ask for help. The harder I pushed myself to know it all, do it all, execute it all, the more I found myself approaching a familiar downward, unproductive spiral. Building a heart-centered business was important to me, that significance never changed. However, had I not learned how to catch myself at the start of heading down that downward spiral, I would have wound back up in burn out like I had years ago.

Again, the same cycle creeped up when I opened my coaching business. It was my job to recognize my cycle and intervene effectively. You see, the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is to raise awareness so you can then intervene in your unhelpful cycle effectively.

I share my experience because I don’t want you to buy into any of the harmful beliefs that creep up for you. You’re not alone, and it’s not that you’re bad, wrong or not good enough.

You’re not supposed to be able to handle everything, for everyone, on your own and all the time. You don’t have to prove that you are enough. The goals that you achieve and the amount of sacrifice that you willingly engage in, does not dictate your worth.

These beliefs, and others like them, fuel the plight of the hustling high achiever. As long as you engage with and buy into these thoughts, you remain stuck in the plight. To experience freedom from these thoughts, you become an observer of them, rather than a participant.

It’s hard to observe your own thoughts without getting sucked in. It’s also necessary. It’s how I caught myself moving into an old, unhelpful behavior pattern when I opened each of my businesses. I paid attention to the disconnect and got curious. Rather than judge myself, I intentionally stepped back and observed my thoughts.

Here’s the tricky thing. Only you can actively choose to observe your thought patterns and engage with them differently, yet it’s incredibly difficult (I dare say near impossible) to figure out how to do it and sustain the practice effectively, all on your own.

Over the years, I only became more open to meaningfully engaging in tools and practices that kept me out of burn out, when I became more open to asking for and receiving guidance and support from others.

So…

What are your thoughts telling you?
Are they keeping you in the plight or helping you out if it?
Will you choose to claim your decision making power and open up to receiving the support you need and deserve?

Only you have those answers.

If you are ready to step into your power, get out of that downward spiral, and stop getting wrapped up in the plight of the hustling high achiever, you can connect with Dr. Toni using any of the below options:

For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
For transformational life coaching: drtonicoachesllc.vipmembervault.com

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a transformational life & wellness coach for the ambitious seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact positive change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers and leaders to create balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing the lives of others. She is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.