Anxiety that’s gotten out of control is much like an alarm clock that’s going off when it’s not supposed to. Just like an alarm clock, anxiety is a useful tool. It tells us when to have caution, it wants to help keep us safe. When an alarm clock isn’t functioning properly, we check the batteries and reset it. The same is true when anxiety is working on overdrive. We need to get connected and check-in with our core self and find the reset that works for us.
The mental chatter of anxiety and chronic stress can be filled with all different kinds of reprepetitive, unhelpful judgements and over-generalized deductions, like:
“What if they think I’m annoying?”
“What if they don’t like me?”
“What if everything goes wrong?”
“What if I mess up?”
“What if I can’t do it?”
Again and again and again.
While everyone experiences some level of anxiety at some point, 40 million U.S. adults struggle with anxiety each year. To me, it’s no wonder, considering the on-going levels of chronic stress in our society. Chronic stress has been deemed a public health crisis by the American Psychological Association. Of course people struggle with anxiety at various levels of intensity, and chronic stress is not exactly the same as anxiety, but the two overlap and are both relevant to the over-function that our brains get stuck in, often leaving us feeling the need to defend ourselves… leading to an over-functioning alarm system inside of us.
It’s not just adults that struggle with high levels of anxiety and stress. Our children are struggling with more psychological distress as well and our teen anxiety and suicide rates are both tragically increasing.
Why is this happening?
For starters, it’s important to understand that anxiety itself isn’t bad; neither is stress. The worry we feel, and cautionary messages our brains send, are meant to keep us safe. They are intended to protect us. We have a built in alarm system. It’s a method of survival that all humans have and all humans need. The stress helps motivate us to more forward.
The issue is when the alarm system gets signaled when it’s not really needed.
The other day a family member of mine wasn’t home and their home alarm system went off. They were frustrated because the cops were trying to get in contact with them and the entire immediate family that they had listed as points of contact, were getting called too Their neighbor had called them and told them they checked, and it was a false alarm. A bug tripped the alarm. This wasn’t the first time it had happened, and the family member was far from pleased.
The alarm system was responding to something that was not a true threat; it was frustrating, and it needed to be reset.
This happens with people when their anxiety spikes. They feel out of control and they feel frustrated because, at some level, they know their alarm system is going off at times when it is not necessary- yet they struggle to reset the alarm and stop it from continuing to go off when it’s not really needed.
This is hard to manage in the fast paced world we live in today. At all ages, we are surrounded by technology that makes us think we are connecting, but the more and more we become consumed by it, the more disconnected we become with the tangible world around us. The demands are high, as so many of us are able to be accessed on our phones nearly all of the time. The time of patiently waiting often seems long gone, doesn’t it?
Kids and teens in our society face pressure to appear perfect on social media, while simultaneously figure out how to navigate the criticism from friends and anonymous people alike, often unsupervised- all while developing their sense of self (online and offline)… it’s not the best combination.
The list of pressures goes on and on… academics, extracurriculars, social groups, puberty, etc.
Adults try to navigate similar pressures in the workforce or in their community. Trying to figure out how to build or maintain an intimate relationship, grow their career, manage parenting while both parents have to work full-time, afford the bills and basic needs, deal with the unexpected, etc.
The list of stress and anxiety contributors won’t be covered at length here, but at this point, hopefully you can see that there is, of course, good reason to experience stress and overwhelm. Stress in overdrive often leads to anxiety and then people get stuck . They stop moving. They stop progressing. Their alarms go off all the time or at unnecessary times, and it throws a wrench into everything!
The reasons why anxiety is on the rise has been studied and postulated by many. I believe that there are many contributors to the increased stress within our society, and I don’t offer a debate about the variety of contributing factors in this article. I do offer two perspective shifts I believe are vital, for those struggling with anxiety or chronic stress.
Perspective is powerful; more powerful than most realize. Typically when I meet someone for the first time, who is struggling with anxiety, they want to rid themselves of it, They view the anxiety as bad or as a deficient part of them. This perspective is limiting, because it prevents us from seeing and honoring the value that worry and fear bring to our lives to keep us safe. We don’t want to get rid of that safety system. We need our alarm clocks.
We do want to be able to reset them though, and so I offer the first perspective shift: “Anxiety and stress are not bad; they are valuable tools.” A healthy amount of anxiety does keep us safe and a healthy amount of stress keeps us motivated to move. Too much anxiety and chronic stress does impact our lives in unhealthy and undesired ways, and it’s important to recognize when anxiety and stress are over-functioning, so that we can address them properly. Those who stay in denial about needing support to manage over-functioning anxiety or chronic stress, will wind up feeling worse- no one can address something that they deny even exists.
Another common challenge with anxiety and chronic stress, is that people tend to try to either ignore it or fight themselves out of it. This doesn’t work. Therefore, the second perspective shift I offer is to remind yourself that: “Fighting or ignoring anxious or stressful feelings isn’t working for me. I choose to greet them and move on when the time is right.”
Fighting feelings, like anxiousness, can create an internal tug of war and causes more stress and suffering. Ignoring feelings typically causes those avoided feelings to try to get louder or sneak into your life in another way until you’re willing to pay attention. Neither tends to work out well. When anxiety and stress are acknowledged and greeted, we get a better idea of where they are coming from and why. With more clear information, we can choose how to proceed, and then… DO IT! There’s no need to stay focused on the feelings once there’s a better understanding of what they’re trying to tell us, and how we are going to respond to that need.
Okay, so why is this happening and what can we do?
This is a loaded question that extends beyond what this one article can cover, but I do offer a brief overview of two areas that definitely need to be focused on, if we as a society would like to reduce the levels of intense anxiety and chronic stress that so many people are struggling with.
I don’t propose that technology or social media are the sole contributors to anxiety nor chronic stress. They are, however, a part of the equation. There are two key factors I will focus on here.
- First- a lack of moderation for how we choose to use technology and social media on a daily basis.
- Second- a lack of deep connection with our inside, core self.
Broadly speaking, my first general recommendation for reducing anxiety and chronic stress would be to increase how we moderate our use of technology on a daily basis, as adults and with minors. While there’s nothing wrong with connecting online, efforts need to be made to regularly and intentionally connect in person as well.
My second general recommendation would be to stop relying on the rest of society to determine our values, worthiness and identity, and instead, turn inwards to connect with our own selves at our core. There, we will discover our own values, worthiness and identity, and allow that to serve as the foundation of where we operate from on a daily basis.
Although simple, neither of these recommendations are easy. If you’d like to learn more so you can enact the change you desire in your own life, you can connect with me here:
For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
For personal life coaching: www.drtonicoaches.com
***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com
Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a transformational life & wellness coach for the ambitious seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact positive change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers and leaders to create balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing the lives of others. She is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.
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