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August 11, 2020 by Dr. Toni Warner Leave a Comment

6 Steps to Creating A Foundation For Less Stress & Anxiety In Your Life

Managing stress and anxiety is something we all have to navigate. You don’t need a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder in order to desire support with managing anxiety or stress. Some levels of stress can be a healthy part of the life experience. Experiencing chronic stress, unfortunately, has become a common experience. Given the fast-paced, high-pressure, outcome-based environment that most of us have been conditioned to experience and navigate within the systems of our society, we are all bound to experience a run in with anxiety-like symptoms at some point. Stress and anxiety intermingle.

Challenges with stress and anxiety may look like:

  • Frequent self-doubt
  • Urge to do everything perfectly
  • Inner push to please everyone
  • Increased irritability
  • Restlessness
  • Fatigue
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Sleep issues
  • Difficult thinking and communicating clearly 
  • Worrying a lot or fearing some catastrophic may occur
  • Battling with unwanted thoughts frequently
  • Body aches or pains

These are just some common examples, but symptoms can look different from person to person and can be experienced at different intensity levels.

Many people describe struggles with anxiety using words like “overwhelm” and “stressful”. Overwhelm, stress and anxiety are all ways that people experience an “off-ness” within themselves, which tends to impact how they think, feel and act in some way. Given that anxiety impacts at least 40 million adults, and heightened stress levels have led to burnout becoming classified as a public health crisis, it’s essential that we learn how to incorporate lifestyle shifts that help to mitigate these challenging experiences. 

There are many resources available that provide particular strategies you can apply in the moment, when you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed. We may feature more on particular strategies here, in later articles. For today, the focus is on providing an outline for how you can create a structure for your life that helps to build a foundation for reducing stress, anxiety and overwhelm over-all. Creating this foundation, over-time, will also help with managing these experiences as they arise in the future.

The 6 Foundational Steps Are:

  • Take Back Control of Your Schedule
  • Slow Down For Self-Care
  • Believe You Belong
  • Know & Connect With Your Why
  • Feel the Feels
  • Accountability

Take Back Control of Your Schedule

When stressed out or anxious, most people report experiencing too chaotic of a schedule. On occasion I will receive a report of too rigid of a schedule causing stress as well. Both extremes create a sense of “out of control” within the individual. This out of control feeling, drives how they spend their time, which often leaves them spending their time in areas that they think they “should” or “must” dedicate themselves to. As a result, less time, effort and energy are spent doing what actually fuels them and brings them joy; they wind up feeling resentful and exhausted.

To prevent this cycle, or to reduce it from continuing, it’s essential to take an honest look at your schedule and intentionally prioritize what you want and need to. Get very clear about how you want to spend your time and commit to respecting your time-boundaries, so that you can orient your time effectively, as well as in a way that feels good for you.

Slow Down For Self-Care

Self-care has become a buzzword, but it is not about luxury living, big spending, or one-off self-indulgences. Self-care is really about choosing to prioritize your own needs, so that you can function well. It’s self-maintenance. Just as we care for tangible things that we want to last (like cars, homes and phones), we need to make time to maintain our own needs. Including self care in your schedule is essential. 

Believe You Belong

Most people do not talk about their deep dark feelings of not feeling good enough, yet nearly (if not all) of us have experienced this “not good enough” feeling. The trouble comes in when someone begins to believe that “not good enough” voice, and they doubt their sense of self and their innate belonging. It’s hard to commit time and care to something you don’t fully believe holds value. 

Often, prior experiences in our life lead us to believe that we are not good enough, and we cling onto those old narratives. They can wind up controlling decisions we make and lead us to feel the need to over-please, over-achieve, over-work, over-commit, over-give, or overly-criticize ourselves.

This storyline is one that needs to be acknowledged and addressed, so that you can begin to step into your innate belonging. As a result, you will trust yourself more, and feel more clear-minded with your decision making. 

This process takes time and compassion. However, no matter who you are, you DO belong. Your life does have purpose. You are of value. Your life matters. Once you integrate this belief more fully, you will find more ease in dedicating time with and for yourself, which will help with the first two foundational steps we’ve discussed so far.

Know & Connect With Your Why

We are all motivated by various things. We have motivators from outside of us, like money, relationships, and so one. We also have inspiration that is fueled from within us. Inside inspiration comes from those things that bring us joy just because they feel good to do or engage with; there is no inherent reward gained outwardly from these experiences.

When stressed, we are often pinched off from the internal inspiration and clinging onto the external motivators. This works in the short run, but it does not last in the long run. If we are doing things only to avoid or gain something from outside of us, we tend to stop realizing what we need and want on the inside. 

To shift this, we need to get more connected with what our inside desires are, and allow ourselves to re-fuel using some of these feel-good experiences. Oftentimes these look like hobbies or ways to self-express, such as dancing, singing, cooking, baking, crafting, art, music or other forms of physical activity.

Feel the Feels

Cutting over or being flooded by emotions is the most common experience presented to me. Managing emotions feels difficult for so many people. However, emotions are important to be able to manage. While we do not want to be flooded by them, we also don’t want ourselves to be cut off from them.

What we want to learn is how to notice them and gain an understanding of what the emotion is saying we may need at that time. Sometimes we don’t feel safe, other times we feel tired, hungry or disconnected. What you feel helps show you what you need. 

The process of exploring, acknowledging and understanding emotions can feel confusing, because this way of going about it is so different from what most of us were taught or modeled growing up.

Nonetheless, cutting off emotions, or letting emotions take the driver’s seat of your life, will ultimately lead to feeling more out of control or stuck. Instead, we can learn how to notice them and help understand or meet the need that may be lying beneath the emotion.

Accountability

Willpower is often quoted as the #1 reason why people do not follow through with the desired behavior or life changes that they desire. Accountability helps to mitigate the challenges that struggles with willpower tend to present. 

Accountability can look different for different people. Nowadays there are apps that can help with accountability on your watch, phone, computer or tablet. Sometimes these are effective. However, I have found that more active accountability is able to occur from person to person. The connection and support of another human being is powerful. 

Active accountability means intentionally having someone in your life who: 

  • Cares about your outcomes
  • Who respects your autonomy to make your own choices
  • Reliably supports you 
  • Shares honest feedback (not just what you want to hear nor who is overly-critical)

If you are often trying to handle everything on your own, or you have not been receptive to allowing others to support you with honest feedback, accountability may be an area you’d like to explore and strengthen.

Over-all, incorporating these 6 key areas will help to build and enhance the foundation of your life, so that you can reduce the anxiety, stress and overwhelm and manage them better when they do occur.

If your anxiety, stress or overwhelm symptoms are getting to the point where they are negatively impacting your ability to function and enjoy life on a regular or patterned basis, then reaching out for more support is important. Depending on your particular situation, you may benefit from either therapy or coaching. You can reach out to Dr. Toni to inquire about which option may best fit your needs, using any of the below options.

**Free consultations are offered for both therapy and coaching services.

Authentically Me Psychotherapy for Therapy: 

E-mail: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

Website: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC

E-mail hello@drtonicoaches.com

Website: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

Additional Resources:

Below are videos from a series Dr. Toni did with Dr. Toni Coaches. You Are welcome to check them out for further information and support.

Take Back Control of Your Schedule: https://youtu.be/Leki3woeHYA

Slow Down for Self Care Video: https://youtu.be/UCyYPzCD_-c

Believe that You Belong Vide: https://youtu.be/D03ScT5EltY

Know & Connect with Your Why Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAuJQlpXb0k&feature=youtu.be

Feel the Feels Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta4GigOBCwo&feature=youtu.be

Accountability Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpoKYK-87UA&feature=youtu.be

__________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for the busy ambitious who’re ready to crush overwhelm, tame the anxiety, effectively manage stress and delete burnout. She helps her clients to create meaningful balance in their lives while boosting motivation and energy levels, without sacrificing productivity at work or quality time with loved ones. 

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers and busy leaders to create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others. 

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Dr. Toni has been in the helping professions field for over a decade and is trained in a variety of tools and techniques, such as brainspotting, Life Coaching, CBT, trauma-informed approaches, and others.

For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

For transformational life coaching: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

DISCLAIMER: All content is provided for information purposes only and does not constitute as any form of medical treatment or advice.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

June 30, 2020 by Dr. Toni Warner Leave a Comment

“Why is it so hard to be Mindful?”

A few days after a powerful presentation on Spiritual Alignment During Challenging Times that I had given, a participant reached out to me. 

The participant presented me with a common question about meditation and mindfulness: “How do you actually do Mindfulness or Meditation…. because I’ve tried and it doesn’t seem to work for me.”

With Mindfulness and Meditation becoming more widely discussed and practiced within the Western world, this question is not an uncommon one.

I can relate.

Years ago, Mindfulness and Meditation both seemed “too simple” and “inconvenient” for me. It seemed like the idea was “just slow down and focus”, and things would get better. My formerly skeptical and burnout self was just not having it- I was too busy to sit and try to calm my overactive mind.

Further along my journey, my perspective shifted. Things got worse when I was overly stressed and burnt-out, so something had to change, and eventually I came back to Mindfulness and Meditation.

At first, like many, I struggled to sit still long enough without feeling restless. My cluttered mind annoyed and distracted me. I thought I wasn’t doing it “right” and that I wasn’t gaining any benefit from it.

I was part frustrated and just wanted to toss it out the window because, I mean, it just felt like more work at that point. That seemed counterproductive to me since I was trying to do it so I could de-stress from over-working.

I was also part disappointed, and if I’m honest, feeling a bit ashamed, because by all intents and purposes- I “should” be able to get this thing down pat…

I’d studied human behavior, psychology and helped countless people through my work for years- so why couldn’t I do this thing that so many others seemed to be able to do so easily?

Firstly, if you resonate with any or all of this, please know that you are not alone. Plenty of people struggle with this.

Secondly, the brief reason why so many people struggle with Meditation and Mindfulness, is because we are mostly conditioned in our culture to strive for perfection (often disguised using the term “success”); we are taught to believe that there is no gain without pain, we must hustle, and multi-tasking (especially for women) is essential.

Meditation and Mindfulness both call for us to be in the moment without a tangible end-goal or need to be perfect. They both call for us to interact with ourselves lovingly. They both call for us to slow down and focus.

Simply put- most of us are not used to this way of being; it seems counterintuitive to our way of current way of life and social structure, so it does not come easy to us.

Today, I want to clear up what is and what is not necessary when it comes to Meditation and Mindfulness. I think this will help you, and many others, to better understand how to begin their process and what to expect.

When you shift your expectations about Meditation and Mindfulness, your experience will shift as well.

Let’s first start with a quick glance at the difference between Meditation and Mindfulness:

Meditation is typically a more formal, highly intentional focus on your inward experience. You are intentionally turning your focus inward, on an internal experience like your breath, and the focus on this internal experience without judgement of yourself allows for a deeper, more purposeful connection between you and you.

Mindfulness is a practice that can be tapped into formally or informally. Mindfulness is about bringing your attention to a particular experience, object, person, place or thing, and compassionately, purposefully, non-judgmentally, allowing your focus to rest upon that in particular.

Mindfulness is a form of Meditation, but you do not have to formally meditate in order to practice Mindfulness at any given moment. Although they are not exactly the same thing, they do overlap.

The research is clear that they both DO help with reducing stress, relieving mental and medical health challenges, over-all focus, mood, sleep and so much more.

The goal of practicing Mindfulness or Meditation isn’t to “get it done”, which is the framework many busy professionals start out with. The goal is to make it a supportive practice in your life. 

The purpose isn’t to erase your mind or to fix everything. 

There isn’t one “right” or “wrong” way to do it.

The purpose is to help you reconnect with yourself, so you can be more present, clear-minded and able to enjoy more of your life, living as the version of you that you desire, with less stress.

Let’s get a few things out of the way:

  • You don’t have to sit perfectly.
  • You don’t have to have “no thoughts”
  • You don’t have to experience a miraculous epiphany or tap into all the answers you’re looking for, in order to know you’ve done it right.
  • You don’t have to do it a certain way or for a certain period of time.

In fact, the more I practice Mindfulness and Meditation, the more my relationship with my practice evolves- it doesn’t stay the same.

I don’t do it the same way all of the time and I don’t have the same experience every time either.

I LOVE my practice now- because I took the time to learn the best practice for myself, and I also allowed myself and my practice to grow as I move along my own journey of life.

Get creative with your practice.

Have fun with it.

Let it be imperfect.

So, what are the Mediation and Mindfulness Musts? 

There are only a few, and I would not call them “musts”, but here they are:

  • Be intentional
  • Create a practice- the power comes with the practice
  • Observe what comes up with non-judgement, as best you can
  • For meditation, keep an open physiology/body stance

Remember, this is not about just “getting it done” or needing to “get it right”.

This is about simply deciding to give it a try.

For those who have experienced trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation can sometimes feel unsafe, or bring up challenging experiences that are best suited to work through with a professional.

If you have experienced trauma and would like to try Mindfulness or Meditation, but are not feeling safe or ready to do so, it is important that you honor where you are at in your journey right now. Reach out for help from a trusted and qualified professional near you.

—-

If you are struggling with this “get it done” or “get it right” mentality, then these are underlying beliefs that are coming up in other parts of your life too, and we can tackle those in therapy. If you are in PA, you can schedule reach out to schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation with me and we can discuss working together.

Dr. Toni is the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is also a mother, a transformational life & wellness coach for the busy ambitious who’re ready to crush overwhelm, tame the anxiety, effectively manage stress and delete burnout. She helps her clients to create meaningful balance in their lives without sacrificing productivity at work or quality time with loved ones. 

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others. 

Dr. Toni has been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

For transformational life coaching: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

***All information provided is for information purposes only and does not serve as nor substitute for any professional advice or treatment. Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

June 16, 2020 by Dr. Toni Warner Leave a Comment

The Rippling Effect

During quarantine, I taught my daughter how to skip rocks. She loved it! She was so proud when she finally got it. Have you ever thrown a pebble into a pond, or watched someone skip rocks across a lake?

I’ve always loved to skip rocks, although it took me longer to learn how to do it then it took my daughter. I’ve always loved watching the ripples that continued on, well after the pebble was out of sight. The impact of that small stone against the top of the water, influenced the creek at such a large scale

Every time, without fail, when I see rippling effects in water, I can’t help but think of the powerful rippling effects that each of us has the power to make in this world.

Have you ever basked in the rippling effect?

I was speaking with a former coaching client the other day, and, yet again, I found myself reminded of the power that rippling effects have among us humans. She was explaining how she was able to find her inner calm during these chaotic times, even after having finished her coaching program with me several months ago. She went on to say how she:

  • Went from planning to leave teaching to falling back in love with it
  • Been able to use her strengths of leadership and humor to change and enhance the landscape of her workplace (which had previously drained her and caused her great anxiety)
  • Regularly sticks with her own self-care routine and nourishing her body, leaving her feeling energized and motivated (after years of off again, on again diets and work out regimen that just weren’t working out)
  • Finds that there seems to always be time to prioritize what she wants and needs to do, without the overwhelm (or dread she used to experience every Sunday night) before bed…

As the conversation came to an end, she said that if I had shown her the difference between now and this time last year, she never would have believed that it would have been possible!

If you struggle with feeling stuck, stressed, worn out, constantly busy or chronically stretched- THIS different kind of experience is what I want for YOU… but that’s not what matters most here, is it?

What matters most here, is that you not only want to get control of your ripping effect, like my former client did, but you BELIVE it is possible for you too.

The truth is, you can’t control everything or everyone that surrounds you, even when things seem out of control.

You CAN, however, determine how you show up. You CAN decide what intentions you desire to set forth as a pebble with the power to impact a surface much greater than it’s own.

I think now, more than ever, we all need to be aware of the rippling effect that we can have in this world. We all need to get clear on if we are spending our time and our energy, focused on making the kind of ripple we truly want to make.

How are you currently spending your time and energy? Are you satisfied with it, or would you like to get more intentional about it?

Asking yourself these questions is important. Whatever the answer, it gives you rich information to make the next best decision, to take the next step towards orienting your time and energy differently- and that, my fellow human, is where your power lies.

Want to learn more about how the rippling effect can impact your life and the lives of others? I talk about it in this quick video. 

** If you know you want some help with going deeper on this, check out the waiting list for my next premium level coaching course. https://bit.ly/ultimate_motivatecreatewithdrtoni

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for the busy ambitious who’re ready to crush overwhelm, tame the anxiety, effectively manage stress and delete burnout. She helps her clients to create meaningful balance in their lives without sacrificing productivity at work or quality time with loved ones.

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Dr. Toni has been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

For transformational life coaching: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

May 13, 2020 by Dr. Toni Warner Leave a Comment

Practicing the Pause: A Support for Nurse’s, Teachers, Working Moms, Military Families & All Front-Line Workers

May is a month filled with appreciation opportunities!

 

In May we celebrate:

Nurse’s 

Teacher’s 

Mental Health 

Mother’s 

Military 

 

If you fall into any of these categories, I want to say THANK YOU!

 

I also want to say thank you to my fellow wellness workers!

 

You are all needed and helping to make the world a better place!

 

If you do fall into any of these above categories, chances are you have experienced increased stress and chaos lately.

 

Do you ever wake up trailblazing into and straight through your day?

There are too many things to get done.

There are people to help.

There is a world to take on.

There are people who need you.

 

Sometimes it feels like you’re on top of the world, like this is exactly what you were meant to be doing.

It’s rewarding.

You know you are changing lives, saving lives, impacting lives exponentially.

 

Other days, it all seems like it’s too much.

It’s too much to take on alone.

The burden is too great.

The pain runs too deep.

The problem is too big.

It’s overwhelming; it’s disheartening; you’re filled with sorrow.

 

Other moments are like a roller coaster.

Like a pendulum swinging back and forth, you vacillate between which emotional and mental state you are in.

 

“I don’t even know how to feel?”

“What was I just about to do?”

“I can’t even think straight!”

 

You are an impact-maker.

You are a world-changer.

You are a life-influencer.

 

You are also human.

You have needs.

You have a body, a mind, and a soul that needs tending to.

 

Although this time is filled with uncertainty, challenge, crises and change; there are moments of opportunity to take pause.

 

These moments, these brief opportunities- they are ever so important to monopolize on right now.

 

Practicing the pause doesn’t mean grasping control over the chaos happening around you. It doesn’t mean being able to figure everything out or suddenly making everything better.

 

Pausing doesn’t mean everything else stops or gets fixed.

 

Practicing the pause is an inside experience, that helps you show up even more powerfully on the outside. It helps you reset. It helps you take a few moments to care for you; to tend to you.

 

Practicing the pause can happen in the small moments of time that pass between the rushing demands.

 

Those moments in the bathroom, when you can let the warm water run, the steam to rise, and your lungs to inhale big and exhale slowly.

 

Those moments before you get out of the car, when you can sit in quite for a few moments, or blast feel-good music that eases your worries and sets you into a brief flood of release.

 

Those moments of stillness, right after the storm, when you can cast your gaze at a beautiful photo, or envision a peaceful scene in your mind.

 

Those few moments when you can step away and allow yourself to fully and intentionally tap into each one of your senses as you lean into the experience for those few moments.

 

I invite you to begin to seize the moments of time that you’re able, to practice the pause on purpose, so you can tend to your own needs. So you can check in with yourself, and notice what may support you better during these brief moments.

 

Your job is important, yes, but so are you.

Practicing the pause is one powerful way to begin to show up for you, with love, care and compassion, at a time when you likely need it the most.

 

You are loved.

We appreciate you.

Practicing the pause, even if only for 30 seconds at a time, is a great way to appreciate you, too.

 

Want to hear this content and other helpful bits about how to create balance on my podcast? Here’s the link: https://anchor.fm/worklifelove/episodes/Episode-11-Practicing-the-Pause–Especially-for-Nurses–Teachers–Working-Moms–Military-Families–All-Front-Line-Workers-edtr96

 

Are you a busy mom looking to find a way to stress less and ease the nagging frustration? I’ve got you. You can grab my free stress less checklist here: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

 

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for busy professionals seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. She’s been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

Life & Wellness coaching for the busy professional: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

Stress less resource for busy working moms: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

607 Easton Rd B-2
Willow Grove, PA 19040

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