May is a month filled with appreciation opportunities!

 

In May we celebrate:

Nurse’s 

Teacher’s 

Mental Health 

Mother’s 

Military 

 

If you fall into any of these categories, I want to say THANK YOU!

 

I also want to say thank you to my fellow wellness workers!

 

You are all needed and helping to make the world a better place!

 

If you do fall into any of these above categories, chances are you have experienced increased stress and chaos lately.

 

Do you ever wake up trailblazing into and straight through your day?

There are too many things to get done.

There are people to help.

There is a world to take on.

There are people who need you.

 

Sometimes it feels like you’re on top of the world, like this is exactly what you were meant to be doing.

It’s rewarding.

You know you are changing lives, saving lives, impacting lives exponentially.

 

Other days, it all seems like it’s too much.

It’s too much to take on alone.

The burden is too great.

The pain runs too deep.

The problem is too big.

It’s overwhelming; it’s disheartening; you’re filled with sorrow.

 

Other moments are like a roller coaster.

Like a pendulum swinging back and forth, you vacillate between which emotional and mental state you are in.

 

“I don’t even know how to feel?”

“What was I just about to do?”

“I can’t even think straight!”

 

You are an impact-maker.

You are a world-changer.

You are a life-influencer.

 

You are also human.

You have needs.

You have a body, a mind, and a soul that needs tending to.

 

Although this time is filled with uncertainty, challenge, crises and change; there are moments of opportunity to take pause.

 

These moments, these brief opportunities- they are ever so important to monopolize on right now.

 

Practicing the pause doesn’t mean grasping control over the chaos happening around you. It doesn’t mean being able to figure everything out or suddenly making everything better.

 

Pausing doesn’t mean everything else stops or gets fixed.

 

Practicing the pause is an inside experience, that helps you show up even more powerfully on the outside. It helps you reset. It helps you take a few moments to care for you; to tend to you.

 

Practicing the pause can happen in the small moments of time that pass between the rushing demands.

 

Those moments in the bathroom, when you can let the warm water run, the steam to rise, and your lungs to inhale big and exhale slowly.

 

Those moments before you get out of the car, when you can sit in quite for a few moments, or blast feel-good music that eases your worries and sets you into a brief flood of release.

 

Those moments of stillness, right after the storm, when you can cast your gaze at a beautiful photo, or envision a peaceful scene in your mind.

 

Those few moments when you can step away and allow yourself to fully and intentionally tap into each one of your senses as you lean into the experience for those few moments.

 

I invite you to begin to seize the moments of time that you’re able, to practice the pause on purpose, so you can tend to your own needs. So you can check in with yourself, and notice what may support you better during these brief moments.

 

Your job is important, yes, but so are you.

Practicing the pause is one powerful way to begin to show up for you, with love, care and compassion, at a time when you likely need it the most.

 

You are loved.

We appreciate you.

Practicing the pause, even if only for 30 seconds at a time, is a great way to appreciate you, too.

 

Want to hear this content and other helpful bits about how to create balance on my podcast? Here’s the link: https://anchor.fm/worklifelove/episodes/Episode-11-Practicing-the-Pause–Especially-for-Nurses–Teachers–Working-Moms–Military-Families–All-Front-Line-Workers-edtr96

 

Are you a busy mom looking to find a way to stress less and ease the nagging frustration? I’ve got you. You can grab my free stress less checklist here: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

 

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for busy professionals seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. She’s been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

Life & Wellness coaching for the busy professional: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

Stress less resource for busy working moms: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

I’ve heard from a number of amazing, well-intentioned parents, that they are feeling frustrated with the whole teach and work from home process. There were some fun moments and some crazy moments, but right now, it feels frustrating, exhausting and well… it feels like it’s been going on long enough!

Since I’ve heard similar challenges so frequently, especially more recently, I decided to share some top tips to help reduce the frustration that’s causing parenting and teaching at home to be even more challenging (not to mention the other parts of life… like our relationships, house maintenance and cleaning, etc).

Consistency. For them and for us, consistency is key.

The following are tips that parents can apply on a regular basis, to help set their child up for success, as well as to significantly reduce frustration and stress on the part of both parent and child.

Craft a School Schedule and stick to it.

Even if you don’t want to create a general daily schedule for the household, setting a static schedule for schooling is incredibly powerful.

How to craft an effective schedule:

• Create it together. Kids buy-in more when they are involved in the process. Have them choose pictures to go along with the visual for the schedule, or create options for certain time frames and allow them to be a part of the choosing process for which subject will be done at which time.
• Chunk tasks & times. Set a particular chunk of time for a particular subject and don’t bring another subject into that timeframe. Humans are not actually meant to be as multi-focused as we are. The more we can focus on one thing, the more productive we are.
• Breaks. Focusing on too much work for too long is enough to annoy all of us- parent and child alike. Schedule brief breaks throughout the schooling time. Maybe even create a fun word for them. My kids school calls these “brain breaks”. Have your child get up and move or grab a snack or drink for a few minutes before transitioning to the next subject. Some kids will like this, other will get in “the zone” and just want to go from one subject to the next. Either one is okay as long as you are checking in to find your child’s unique sweet spot. Notice when they start to get mentally fatigued (whining and complaining may amp up), this is likely a sign that a break is needed.
• Clear & Simple. Don’t we love to over-complicate schedules sometimes? Simply grab the subjects that need to be addressed, identify about how much time your child may need to complete them throughout the week, and craft a daily schedule based on what you come up with. Getting too fancy with a schedule can cause confusion, and when kids are confused they get stressed. A stressed out kid can’t do as well with thinking, focus, memory or attention.
• Stick to it. Schedules are only powerful when they are actually applied. If you schedule 20 minutes for math, then have your child do 20 minutes of math and whatever is not done during those 20 minutes just waits until tomorrow. Once stress amps up, everyone is less productive. Choose time frames that are age appropriate for your child or stress will naturally get created by sheer inability of the brain to pay attention too long due to developmental stage and age.

Environment.

• Specific Environment. Identify or create a spot that they sit/lay/stand (whichever feels best for them) at, specifically for school work time. I know there can be a shortage of space sometimes. Although It’s great to have a space exclusively for your child to use for school work, it’s okay if that space needs to be used for other things too, due to space shortage. However, during their school work time, that space remains exclusively used and set up for their schooling time. For example, my middle son uses our dining room table for his school work time. We use the table for other things, but during his school work time, he is set up there and it is not used for anything else.
• Reduce Distractions. It’s easy for all of us to get distracted sometimes. Clutter, siblings, loud noise- they can all be distracting for kids. Even hunger, thirst and tiredness can be distracting for kids. Make sure your child is fed, has some water, has headphones or a quiet space, and had a good night’s sleep.

Reinforcement.

• Recognize Good Choices on Purpose. We tend to yell out when our kid is acting up, and stay silent when things are going well. If your child is struggling with schooling at home, it is essential that you recognize when she is demonstrating a desired behavior during school work time.
  • Target the top 2 or 3 behavior goals you have for your child during their schooling time. For example, if your child struggles with trying to solve problems on their own and usually asks for help 20 times in 5 minutes, perhaps the goal you create is something like: “I try to solve the problem on my own 3 times, before I ask for help”.
  • Choose a small, fun way to recognize when they achieve those goals. For example, if your child begins trying to solve the worksheet problems on his own, he may have asked you for help only 5 times in 5 minutes. This is marked improvement from 20 times! If you recognize this, your child will make an effort to continue to engage in that behavior. Perhaps your child earns a sticker for meeting this goal. Once your child earns X amount of stickers (or whatever reinforcement you decide on), then they earn a bigger reward, like choosing a treat or a movie.

Tips for Effective Reinforcement

• The goal should be achievable based on your individual child’s strengths and needs
• The purpose is not for your child to achieve perfection; progress is the aim.
• Be consistent with the follow through or it won’t be effective.
• Choose realistic, practical reinforcers that are appropriate for your child and are also of interest to them (tv/video game time, goldfish, stickers, smiley face, movie choice, dinner choice, etc.)

Incorporating these tips on a regularly basis will reduce stress and frustration, freeing you up to enjoy parenting more and argue about teaching less.

If you’re interested in gaining more support about how to reduce stress as a busy mom, here is a great free stress less checklist for you: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for busy professionals seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. She’s been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others.

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

Therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com
Life & Wellness coaching for the busy professional: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches
Stress less resource for busy working moms: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

Is How I’m Feeling Right or Wrong?

People are feeling different ways right now, and they are comparing it to how other people are feeling. 

I’ve spoken to numerous people lately. Some people feel uncertain yet steady- strong in faith that they will come through this experience okay. Some feel grateful, as they’ve experienced a natural pause for reflection upon their priorities and values. Some feel fearful after having lost their income without a clear understanding of when that will change. Others feel consumed by anxiety; they’re worried about the magnitude of the global impact and feel powerless about what they can do to make everything better. 

These are just some general experiences people have, but there are many more who feel some other variation of the above, or ebb and flow from one to another.

Isn’t it easy to compare how you’re feeling to what you see and hear others are experiencing? As you’re listening to the news media, talking to friends and family, or scrolling down the social media feeds, there is plenty of opportunity for comparison. However, this constant comparison, mixed with the uncertainty of “when will this shutdown shift?”, leaves many people wondering- Is how I’m feeling right or wrong?

While global shifts related to COVID-19 continue to unfold, impacting society as a whole, we each have our own individual experiences and personal situations going on as well. At a personal level though, we are being impacted in different ways and waves. 

Is it wrong that I still feel overwhelmed?

Is it wrong that I feel grateful?

Is it wrong that I actually feel relieved?

Is it wrong that I feel angry?

Should I feel worse?

Should I feel better by now?

Should I feel more thankful?

Is there global impact, yes. Does that nullify individual experiences and perceptions, no.

Between online meetings, kid’s schooling, house updates, house maintenance and trying to stay connected with friends and family- many people are feeling as busy as ever. 

Conversely, many others are experiencing major slow downs with work, have a fairly quiet residence, and are wondering what to do with this new found “free time”.

There are yet others who are living in unsafe home environments, or have no stable home at all. They may be wondering what to do, if and how to do it, or if they’ll be able to make it through this.

As a collective, we are all in this global pandemic experience together; but, we are not all in our own unique circumstances, homes, or internal emotional waters together.

We are all living different lives. We have all had different life experiences that have led us to today. We have different families, different jobs, different homes, different supports, different trauma histories, etc.

Comparing how you are feeling at any given time to how someone else says they are feeling, or how someone else says you “should” be feeling, is not an apples to apples comparison.

So, is how you are feeling the right way or the wrong way?

The answer is- neither.

There is no right or wrong way to feel right now. 

While others may share in feeling a similar emotion or having a perception similar to yours, your particular combination of experience, emotion and perception is unique to you. That is not a bad or wrong thing- it is a beautiful part of what it means to be an individual within an ever-evolving, inter-connected system. The best way to support yourself, whether you want to change or enhance your current emotional state, is with a willingness to accept how you’re feeling without judgement.

For simplicity sake, I’ll offer an analogy.

My kids and I have been taking walks regularly, even on some of the rainy days. If they are complaining about the weather, or resisting going for a walk- it feels like a hassle and is not very enjoyable. However when we aren’t complaining about the rain, wishing we could change it (even though we can’t), or trying to hold something up to prevent us from getting an ounce of wetness on us… it feels liberating. 

It’s liberating to accept the rain for what it is- a part of the experience and process of nature. Instead of fighting against it or focusing on not liking it, we accept it. No energy is directed towards controlling it when we know we can’t. There is no resistance.

It takes less effort and makes the experience feel better.

Seriously, if you can, I encourage you to give it a try.

I’m not saying to accept any issues in the world as they are, and to not attempt to be a part of resolution or improvement.

I am saying that your emotional experience about what is happening in your life and how it is unfolding now, is uniquely personal. Feeling is a part of the human experience, and all of the variety of emotions are natural parts of human processing. The more you fight it or judge it, the more effort gets put towards trying to control something you can’t control.

Doesn’t it feel less stressful to embrace the feeling you’re having and less energy-draining not to judge it?

However you are feeling right now, I’d encourage you to take notice of it. Allow it be acknowledged without judgement, and then take your next steps from there. 

One moment at a time; one day at a time.

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for busy professionals seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. She’s been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

 

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others. 

 

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

 

Therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

Life & Wellness coaching for the busy professional: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

Stress less resource for busy working moms: https://bit.ly/stressless_busymoms

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com

I’m going to start this off with a fairly loaded question: What is the purpose of life?

Okay, so it’s a really loaded question, we won’t go into the details of that philosophical rabbit hole today. I ask this question because in the midst of global uncertainty, chaos and crisis, this can get lost.

Of course it makes sense that this isn’t the focus, because safety is a basic human need and we are all wired to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Since safety is in question for so many humans as a result of the virus, fear of not being safe is the overwhelming focus. However, we are also wired for connection, and have an uncanny ability to adapt in various circumstances.

In a nutshell, to me, the purpose of life is to connect and create, so we can learn, grow and expand, in order to enhance our own lives and the lives of others, through our shared experiences.

If you’re willing to entertain that summation for a moment, then perhaps we can agree that during uncertain times, like the current COVID pandemic, it’s important to remember a few things.

Far too often, caring people confuse putting others needs first, as the best and only way to help. They believe it is selfish, and therefore bad, to care for themselves first. I wrote an article about selfishness here, if you’d like to check it out: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/selfish-bad-dont-dr-toni-warner.

Caring for yourself can be interpreted as selfish, but it certainly is not bad. We all are so much better equipped to help one another when we tend to our own needs first. For example, don’t you want the healthy, rested and nourished doctor to be the one treating you, as opposed to one who has not gotten ample rest or nourishment and whose mind is distracted from stress?

On the flip side, in situations like the pandemic that we are in now, some people mistake needing to care for themselves as being in opposition to caring for others; as if they can only care for themselves, and not spare the possible expense associated with caring for others. This is not the case. There are things you can do to care for yourself, not put yourself in harms way, and still extend a hand to help someone else in need (like writing or sharing a helpful blog article).

In either of the above extreme’s, connection is lost. In the first extreme, connection to your own needs is lost and in the second extreme, connection to others is lost. It becomes easy to forget, that although our individual circumstances may all be unique, we are all in this world together.

So what to do in these kinds of situations?

You can choose to be aware of the circumstances, without being consumed by them. Here are a few tips to do just that:

 

• Take in the necessary information that you need to stay safe and help others, as you’re able. Then, move forward with your day. Don’t over-consume the un-ending media coverage throughout your entire day.
• To prevent over-consumption and overwhelm, create a schedule for you day. Include things you need to get done and things you enjoy, so that you are feeling both productive and fueled. Referencing your schedule will help you from accidentally gravitating back into over-consumption of the news media.
• Remind yourself that you are safe, in this moment. A focus on the uncertainty is sure to breed more fear and stress. You are safe in this moment, and that is worth taking stock of in situations like these.
• Be compassionate with yourself and others. Choose only to spread encouragement and kindness right now. Harping on people in your household or on social media, will only amp up frustrations and lead you to feel more out of control. Practice compassion.

 

Lastly, remember, we are all interconnected.  We don’t understand everything that is happening right now and we can’t control it all, and that is okay. We can and we will move through this time as a nation. Be selective about what energy you surround yourself with- be it media, people in your household, other virtual connections or entertainment on a screen.  Choose what feels good and safe. Choose to walk away when you need to. 

Do the best you can. That’s all any of us can do at any point in time, pandemic or not.

With love & warmth,

Dr. Toni

 

Dr. Toni Warner, LCSW, MSW, MeD, is a mother of three, a transformational life & wellness coach for busy professionals seeking balance and a licensed psychotherapist in Pennsylvania. She’s been in the helping professions field for over a decade.

 

Dr. Toni is the founder of Dr. Toni Coaches, LLC, a coaching, educating and consulting business. It’s mission is to inspire and enact meaningful change in the world by helping heart-centered impact makers create work, life & relationship balance, allowing them to more deeply and meaningfully live, love, connect and share their gifts, enhancing their lives and the lives of others. 

 

Dr. Toni is also the founder of Authentically Me Psychotherapy, LLC, where she supports high achieving and creative individuals who are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, burn out and disconnection, to get in touch with their core selves so they can live more fully and authentically aligned lives.

 

For therapy in PA: www.authenticallymepsychotherapy.com

For transformational life coaching: http://bit.ly/drtonicoaches

 

***Please note that coaching and therapy are not one in the same; they are separate services and the above mentioned are separate business entities. If you are unsure which service best fits your needs, simply reach out and ask: mail@authenticallymepsychotherapy.com or hello@drtonicoaches.com